Feminine Energy To Build the Future

I decided to become an ai expert.

Signal vs. Noise

Once upon a code, a classmate told me:

“Pearl, when you get lost and don’t know what to do, clear your mind. Then ask yourself the question that bothers you. Don’t think too hard. The first answer that comes to you will either be the truth… or what your soul is trying to tell you.”

I said okay, you’re funny. I let it go and grew older.

Recently, as I felt lost again, I opened one of my old goal books and read through it. I read my old dreams. Then I read my recent goals. And something hit me.

Back then—I knew.
I always knew what I wanted.

I recently made a check-up of my life to figure out what direction I was heading in. And I came to a conclusion:

I’m a multi-functional, multi-interest person. And I often get lost between all these identities of mine.
But when I compared who I was then to who I am now, I understood one thing:

My heart always knew.
But I decided to stay blind.

I always had the signal…
But I kept tuning into the noise.

I used to think the world of machines wasn’t made for someone like me—even though I have an IT background.

The world of AI felt so… metallic.
Hard. Cold. Rigid.
It looked like men in black T-shirts with fast minds and faster code.

It didn’t look like me—
A woman in her thirties, in a small house, who still sometimes cries after washing dishes because she’s tired of not feeling “smart enough.”

And yet…

There’s something about AI that reminds me of womanhood.
Of essence.
Of softness.

Because what is AI, if not the attempt to create intelligence?
And what is femininity, if not the instinct to nurture it?

A machine learns from the data you feed it.
So does a child.
So does a woman.
So do I.

We shape ourselves in silence.
In repetition.
In failure and feedback.

We feed ourselves experience, and over time, we learn.
We adapt.
We become.

Isn’t that the same language?

So maybe I do belong here.
Not as a girl trying to “fit in” to tech.
But as a woman bringing life force into it.

Because if AI is the next world we’re building…
Who better to shape it than the ones who’ve always known how to build life?

A woman who decided to learn the language of machines the same way she learned the language of her own intuition—slowly, emotionally, deeply.

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I Thought I Had to Choose — But I Can Be Both

A Woman Reclaiming Her Identity Through AI and Softness

For a long time, I thought I had to choose.
Be the girl who writes poetry and dreams in metaphors…
Or be the woman who understands algorithms and speaks machine.

Be spiritual—or be logical.
Be gentle—or be smart.
Be feminine—or be taken seriously in tech.

And so, for years, I floated in-between.
Life gave me false positives.
But I always knew something real was waiting underneath.

I have a degree in computer science.
But I never really claimed it.
Not because I wasn’t capable—
But because I couldn’t see myself in the world I imagined it required.

That world didn’t look like me.
It didn’t feel like me.
It felt like I had to cut off pieces of myself just to belong there.

But I like fairy tales.
I like silence.
I write stories in my head about women who bloom through pain.
I crave softness, mystery, connection.
I talk to myself all day.
I want beauty in my life—in the way I speak, the way I eat, the way I work, the way I dress, the way I write.

And I also enjoy coding.
Writing algorithms.
Building systems.
Solving problems.

For a while, I told myself: “You can’t be both.”

But I was wrong.

I don’t have to become less of a woman to become more of a creator.
I don’t have to erase softness to claim intelligence.
I don’t have to fit some lifestyle—the 5am gym, the black hoodie coder aesthetic, the emotionless logic.

I can bring me into this field.
My rhythm.
My energy.
My story.

Because maybe what AI needs right now isn’t just more speed, more data, more noise—

Maybe it needs to be looked at through a different lens.

A feminine lens.
A soft lens.
A spiritual, emotional, human lens.

So I’ve made the decision:
I will become an expert in AI—but on my terms.

Not because I need to prove anything.
Because I’ve always wanted to build things.
Because intelligence and femininity aren’t opposites—they’re mirrors.

I’ll talk about tech and tenderness.
I’ll write about artificial intelligence and emotional intelligence—side by side.
I’ll document what it means to come back to something I once abandoned.
And do it as the woman I actually am—not the woman I thought I had to be.

I’m not here to rush.
I’m not here to be impressive.
I’m here to become whole.

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So yes, I’m a woman who once got lost in the gap between labels:
Too soft to be serious.
Too dreamy to do data.
Too spiritual to build systems.
Too techie to be artistic.
Too feminine to be taken seriously.

And I’m done with all of that.

This is the beginning of something else.
A long, committed journey.
Back into tech—with everything I used to hide.

I will learn AI as a writer.
As a woman.
As a spiritual being.

I will build systems and stories.
And I will write about both—because both matter.

I am updating myself.

This space will hold my setbacks. My questions. My wins. My tears.
All of it.

Because this is not just a learning process.
It’s a homecoming.

To softness.
To intelligence.
To me.

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Don’t Start Over. Do a Soft Reboot.

Changing direction is normal.
Life is perpetually updating itself.
And when a change is necessary, instead of wiping everything out… do a soft reboot.

A gentle reset.

Update who you already are to your new direction and adapt.
Starting over is difficult—especially with the wrong settings.

But just like computers, we don’t always need to begin again from scratch.
Sometimes, we just need to start from where we already are.

So no, I’m not starting over.

I’m doing a soft reboot—
Updating my inner world without deleting what made me.

This is not about proving anything.
It’s about reclaiming everything I am:

A coder who loves softness.
A woman fluent in both syntax and soul.
A human learning to trust her signal again.

I will build—not just machines, but meaning.
I will write—not just code, but truths.
And I will share it all here.

This isn’t a heavy tech blog.
It’s where femininity meets function.
A space for slow learning, honest reflection, emotional algorithms, and radical softness.

So if you're also rebuilding yourself—not from scratch, but from a soft reboot…
Welcome.

We’re not starting over.

We’re versioning.

With love,

Pearl.